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Monday, March 8

Take that tumor!

I've been pontificating on the most effective way to cause the tumor to question the necessity of it's own existence (the theory behind this is that it would get sad and lonely and simply off itself), and I've decided that the most effective means would be to denigrate its most highly rated personality attributes. These features are (not appearing in any proper order):

1) Its ability to multiply at a blinding pace
2) Its tendency to manifest such crappily built venous structures
3) Merely its own existence (this one shares my personal favoritism)

The theory here is that by making it feel flawed for even existing, we may be able to coax it into not existing.

For example, treatments such as, "Look at yourself...," or vomiting profusely upon one's first attempt to make obviously superficial conversation with it. These treatments should cause the tumor to question its ability to coexist with beings of such superior intellect and possibly rescind the establishment of its own existence. The trick here is to take off-putting references to the tumor's own attributes and wholly blow them out of proportion. Crying to itself, the tumor will hopefully jump off the closest unsuitably tall object in my head.

Thank you.

2 comments:

  1. My name is Dave Sommers, as well. I live in Elizabethtown, PA, about 2 hrs west of Philly. I looked up my name on Google and found you here. I will say a prayer for God to take away that tumor and to fully restore your health :) Also that you would somehow have the strength to get through the chemo/radiation/surgeries etc. Liked your music, by the way :)

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  2. At least maybe you could make it bulemic...

    Miss you Dave!

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