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I don't know what Goliath's final toll on my life will be, but I do know that I can never go back to the way things were. This experience has been rich, to say the least, but something about referring to my brush with cancer as an 'experience' makes me feel terrible. To put it bluntly, I could have died. I could have had neurological or physical complications from the surgery or one of a million other possible conditions, but I don't. The fact that I've come out of this so similar to the way I waltzed in--as a fully feeling human being--is frankly astounding. I don't know who to thank or how, but I feel like I've just won an award for living and it guarantees me a new lease on life. The only problem is that now I have to live with a new lease every waking moment. I can't slip up and get jaded and bored like I did before; that just doesn't seem right--at all. Of course I'll have bad days where I feel next to terrible, but I can't let myself fall into the pit of darkness that I emerged from in late December. It just wouldn't be fair to myself.
So now I'm left to recover from this situation. If chemotherapy/radiation is needed then I'll have to take that step in the course of time, but as for right now, I don't need any further thought about whether or not to get surgery: it's done. I've bought myself one thing that I just wasn't sure if I had before: time. Goliath's gone, and hopefully he won't be returning, but only I can ensure that he never returns. Because if he does, there will be some serious hurdles for me to tackle. Though I feel like this experience has prepped me for those hurdles, a second bout with cancer (which some would say is inevitable for the survivor) would send me into the throes of a battle from which I may never return. It's scary, I know, but for now, I can claim a certain degree of victory over Goliath. We'll see what the doctor says on Monday (the day of my post-op appointment), but I've got my fingers crossed for a clean bill of health. Wouldn't that be fantastic?
Well today most of my band came down to visit me. The elusive fourth member, Evan, and his girlfriend, Shannon, are rumored to be planning a surprise visit on Saturday. Ha! I know what their plans are now. Anyhoo, Jay and Bob came down for the day, and we ate a delicious lunch at Ze Mean Bean Cafe. We had some pretty fantastic albeit moderately portioned meals (damn the European meal sizing differentiation, have you seen how skinny I am?) Overall, it was an intimate place with an actual European atmosphere. A great place for Happy Hour or an un-rushed meal. This is beginning to sound like a restaurant review, isn't it? Ok I'll stop, then. Oh wait, I have a pic. That's shocking, I know. Usually one person doesn't make it into the picture because they're taking it. Most of the time, that's my dad. It's unfortunate, I know, but one of the sad realities of the physics of photography.
Now for some more serious discussion. A member of the Hippocrates crew, Don, was rushed to the hospital due to complications from his cancer. Now he's on an oxygen machine and the doctor has given him 2-4 weeks to live. Apparently, the symptoms he's exhibiting are common for the end times. This is not good. Anyone who wants to send Don some good thoughts or prayers or whatever it is that you do, please do it. Don's a really great guy, and he's always been there for his friends. For Christ's sake, he was in the emergency room, and his concern was with how my surgery went rather than his serious condition. Now it's time for me to be there for him. Here's a pic of ol' Don with us down at Hippo. I mean it guys, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. I'd hate to see him go.
Yes. Today was a good day. I had some trouble last night coming down from the Dex. 16mg to 8mg requires quite a leap of faith, if you will (and I'm sure you will). It's a nasty drug, and I'd like to be off of it as soon as possible. The number of side-effects and complications that this drug causes make my head-spin (literally sometimes), so that's all I'd like right now. No more Dex, please. Oh yeah, that and my old clear way of seeing the world, and everyone's shiny happy faces. That would be very nice, thank you.
My room mate Dan and my work mate Adam came down to see me today. We went to Panera with my parents, who generously donated our lunches to us. We had a good ol' time sittin' around talkin' bout nothin'. Seriously though, they're really good guys, and we may go record store/cool museum huntin' next Monday. That would be fun.
I'm looking forward to getting back to a more traditional type of existence. That means one in which I work for my money, and I, yes I, pay my bills. Actually... I do that now, but my Dad has payed my rent for the last couple months and considering the amount of money that has been spent on this little conundrum, I'm sure that he'd like to get me back to self-sufficient as soon as possible. Not that he's in any hurry, but times aren't so good in this little country right now, are they?
So I digitally edited a pic I took of Baltimore earlier (I have nothing to do here, alright? Sitting around editing these pictures is seriously all I have in the world right now, well that and Cartoon Network). I thought that I'd leave you with that and a picture of my nasty wound, if you can stomach it. If you can't, that's just too damn bad. If you have any problems with it, you can come down to Baltimore, and we can take it outside in the snow. You wouldn't hit a guy who just had brain surgery, would you?
Pretty crazy, huh? It must've hurt like all get out, but I was nicely anesthetized the whole time. That's good. I can't handle that much pain; that and my face being peeled down. Have I grossed you out, yet?
Unfortunately, there's some very sad news that I have to report: Goliath has been captured and resected; in other words, he's gone, forever hopefully.
I'll find out for certain what's going to happen next Tuesday when I discuss the results of the pathology report with Doctor Quinones. He truly is a miracle worker, and I'm so happy with the way things have gone. I mean really, he totally cut out Goliath and is one of the nicest men on the planet. It's exactly what I was hoping for, exactly. I don't know if things could have gone so well otherwise. I need to hold off on the praise until I can say for sure, but I'm just so pleased with the way things have gone so far.
Yep, I'm pretty happy with the way things have gone so far. I'll have more news to relate as things progress, but I just want everyone to know that my perspective on the world and my friends has been forever changed. I mean it. I seriously can't tell you what this experience has done for me. It has totally opened my eyes to the absolute compassion that people can have for one another. It brings tears to my eyes, it really does. Thank you.
